Isn't it beautiful?!

I feel like I'm cheating on my husband because of how much I lust for this cheese.

Plateau no more .. For now!

Dear Diary,


The scale and I can finally be friends again. It has FINALLY given in and let me break the plateau I've been stuck on. Stop pointing your finger at me - I know I plateau'd because I'd have one good day followed by a bad day stuck on repeat. But I buckled down and, dear diary, you'd be proud of me. Cuz dammit, I sure am proud of me!!


I was tempted all week. Especially when I started seeing these commercials for a new mozza cheese called mozzarellissima. I won't lie - every single grocery store I graced with my presence had me ferociously going through the cheese section looking for this Godly cheese. I may have foamed at the mouth in anticipation of finding it. I could have killed a senior with the drool puddles I made on the floor. But it was a blessing in disguise that I wasn't able to find the cheese, because I broke my plateau. And that definitely would NOT have happened had I found that cheese!! 


Did I mention that I broke my plateau?! Stick that on repeat because I can't hear it enough!


I finally feel like I'm in the groove of things. I feel like I've braved the worst of the cheese / ice cream / pizza / anything-that-is-wonderfully-fatty-and-comes-in-brightly-colored-packages withdrawal and am able to focus on the prize - my 100-pound goal. 


I feel like the cravings and munchies are more in my control now, I don't let them boss me around. And the hubs and I have been trying to mix up our meals a little so that we don't get stuck in a rut and get bored of eating the same things .. Variety really is the spice of life!


I've learned from my past foodie mistakes. I know I'm not a perfect "lifestyle changer" and I'll slip in the future .. but until that day comes, I'm giving it my all.


And now I must make a confession. I have to bake cupcakes tomorrow. 


Yeah. I'll let you know how that turns out.


Till next time,
Me


PS. I won't rest till I find that cheese. 

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

I have a problem.


I'm a cheater. I just can't seem to keep my hands to myself. 


No, I don't cheat on my husband (why would I nibble on processed cheese when I've got St. Albert's cheese at home?!)


I cheat on my diet. Constantly. And in doing so, I'm cheating myself.


I can't help myself! My stomach growls, I fear it and feed it. My tummy wants, I spoil it rotten. And before I know it, I've eaten tons of amazing and delicious foods  crap and am bursting out the seams of my pants. I have to grease the doorways in order to fit through them. My butt earns it's own postal code. 


I thought I was doing great by choosing one day a week to have a small cheat. That day comes, I cheat (okay, splurge), end up regretting all that I ate and promise not to let myself go so crazy the next time .. then the next day comes and I'm doing it again. It seems I just can't settle with that one cheat day, I need more .. and more .. and more ...


I see the numbers on the scale. Instead of getting lower, they're climbing in the opposite direction - FAST. I'll lose three pounds in one week and put them back on in two days. Two days to ruin the hard work I put into seven!? Thanks a LOT, metabolism!!


So I'm thinking I need to make a change here. Instead of binging one night and making empty promises to be better tomorrow, I'm going to try to avoid feeling the need to cheat at all. I'm going to fill my fridge and cupboards with cheat food "substitutes" ... When I'm craving pizza, I'll have a Smart Ones pizza or make my own pita pizzas .. When I'm craving ice cream, I'll grab a pre-portioned treat from the freezer .. when I'm craving my precious Cheezies .. well heck, I guess I'll just keep craving them because let's be real here - there is NO eating in moderation when it comes to those. Or maybe eat them on a treadmill? Suggestions?!


I'm definitely dieting but my problem thus far is that I'm not doing anything to fix / change / eliminate the bad habits I've created and relied on over the years. Time to rectify that .. I'm dieting to lose weight, not to maintain it and definitely NOT to put it on. This mama doesn't need - or want - to be the size of two mamas!


So today, I'm putting my goal in writing and publishing it for all to see so that you can all keep me accountable. I want to lose two pounds a week - and without the need for cheat days. Think I can do it? Or will I fall back and be the clichéd "once a cheater, always a cheater"?


My name is Laura and I'm a food-aholic. But I'm not going to be a round one for long :)

That little voice ...

Pssssst! 


Hey. You, with the diet coke in your hand. Yeah, you. It's me, that pizza you've been craving? You know, the one that's smothered in delicious cheese cooked to a golden perfection? Me. I've been thinking that we should get together like, now.  


What's that? You're watching what you eat? That's cool. You can look at me before you eat me. I'll even ask for some extra cheese grease to make sure I'm gleaming and looking my best. Maybe a little sprinkle of parmesan cheese over the surface to really catch your eye.


Wait a minute. If you can't have me all to yourself, you don't want me? As in, you don't want to share me? Works for me. I can be monogamous. I'm a one woman kind of pizza.


Hoooooold on now. You don't want to gain weight? Well that's easy, just snack on me in small amounts. Have a bit now, save the rest of me for lunch. I keep well in the fridge. I don't mind hanging out with the milk and eggs overnight.


Okay, now you're being difficult. If you know I'm in the fridge, you're going to want to eat me? Awesome. I don't quite care to hang out with the milk and eggs. To be honest, they're a little too healthy to hang with the likes of me! Warm me up and I'm ready to go!


All right. I can get the hint. You don't want anything to do with me. Maybe we can get together on a splurge day? Like old times? I can bring my buddies, the chicken wings!


Well. I can see I'm not wanted here. 
I'll be back. Just you wait ..

ChEAT days

There is a huge difference between cheat

 days and splurge days. Allow me to clarify.

To cheat on your diet is a simple thing. It's taking a spoon (or two) of ice cream when you're getting a bowl ready for your son. It's to get the side french fries instead of the "reasonable" salad (I say "reasonable" because who the heck fills up on salad?!) with your dinner. It's to take an extra piece of garlic bread with your one cup of spaghetti and your measured-to-the-millimetre tomato sauce. 


To have a day splurge .. well .. You forget what the word "diet" means. You've never heard the word before and it's certainly never applied to any day in your life. To splurge is to lock up all your son's Oreo cookies because he won't have any left after you've had your way with them. 


When some people start to diet, they do it cold turkey. They're all about the fruits and veggies and cutting out the carbs. For me, I follow a really good program that allows me to track what I eat and make sure I don't take in more food than I'll burn off in one day. It keeps me and my bad eating habits in check without having to cut out any food groups.


My splurge days used to be epic. I'd plan them out weeks in advance. Let me demonstrate.


Breakfast: this was the warm-up meal that would stretch out my insides to accommodate all the deliciousness that I would be throwing it's way throughout the day. Usually I would choose McDonald's for my splurge day breakfast. It's cheesy, it's greasy, it's artery-clogging .. It's everything a splurge day represents. Super-size my meal so I have a second hash brown and I'm a happy round girl. And of course, an apple pie for dessert, because what's breakfast without dessert? (you know you've ALL done it at least once in your lifetime!!)


Lunch: this meal would consist of something I'd be craving at some point on one of my good-dieter days. Let's go with Delissio pizza for this example. Would I get one to share with someone? Heck no! That sucker would be ALL mine. And it would be chased down by something cold and creamy, along the lines of pralines n' cream ice cream. And my beverage of choice would be diet coke (because I wouldn't want to get fat)


Stop judging me.


Dinner: cheese tortellini in a home made chicken and sausage rose sauce with lots of mushrooms, baked in more cheese and served with garlic cheese bread (notice how I didn't even have to think about that one?) and I wouldn't be measuring out my pasta and sauce and counting my calories. I'd be wearing my stretchy pants and sweatbands on my wrists and head. There would be sauce hitting walls, crumbs poking eyes out, cheese stretching your arms so far out you'd be pulling muscles. It would be a gory, ugly feast but so. damn. good.


I can hear you all gasping in disgust at the details of my ten-thousand calorie splurge day. Believe me, I look back on my splurge days with fondess ... and shame.


I'm hoping those days are behind me. It's a bad splurge day that would always push me off the wagon, and my weight-loss would turn into weight found. 


My goal now is to enjoy treats without having to go overboard. And so far, so good! I'll let you know how it goes .. Because even if I have a good day or a bad day, my blog will be written honestly! 


I had a bit of a rough week. I let my tiredness get in the way of decent eating. Instead of taking the time to prepare a healthy, balanced meal, I'd eat whatever I could get my hands on, as long as it was easy to make and clean up after. And that lack of effort showed on the scale this week. Instead of feeling disappointed, I feel motivated to kick butt again. So butt, meet my foot .. 

Oh cheezies ... Where for art thou my cheezies?

Dear old friend,

Hi. It's me. I know we haven't seen each other in a while. You must be wondering what happened to me. Believe me, not a day goes by where I don't think about you. I miss you so much. We had a lot of good times together.

However .. I'm changing the way I handle things in my life. I can't always go to you for love and support.  

We can't keep fooling ourselves. We just aren't good for each other. It's not that I don't want you around, it's just that you can be a very bad influence on me and it would be better if we took some time apart. 

Sincerely,

Laura

PS. If your company ever decides to make a lighter version of you, please let me be the first to know. There just may be hope for us yet.

Emotional Eater? ... ME?! Nahhh ...

So yesterday was a tough day for me ..


It was one of those days where just NOTHING goes right. Add them all up the the equation = terrible day. And I'm an emotional eater. See where a diet lifestyle change can be hard here?


Emotional eating has played a huge part in my life. When something worth celebrating comes along, let's order a pizza and chicken wings! When something bad happens, I cheer myself up with, well, whatever I could find in the fridge / cupboards / secret stash .. (don't give me that look, you know we all have or had a secret stash of goodies at one point in our lives!!)


Happy or sad, I know I can't control my emotional eating. When I decide to splurge, I do. Man, do I ever splurge. I have two tactics that I now use to attempt to keep my eating in check when things are getting me down:


1. Try to find an alternative way to dealing with the situation. If something is upsetting me, I have to deal with the issue so that it doesn't continue to get me down (or find a great shoulder to cry on .. thanks Derek!) If I feel the need to reward myself for something, or celebrate a special occasion (like paying off a hefty cable bill! and we've all been there!) I'll do something that makes me happy - take a long walk, keep the kids up past bedtime for a family movie night, shoot some zombies with Derek (we're gamers and proud of it!) At the end of the day, binging one night to satisfy the emotional eater within me leads to a morning of regret and extra pounds .. which would then get me down and guess what I would do? Eat again. It's a vicious cycle. 


2. Don't keep the tempting foods in the house. That way, when something does happen, I don't have foods to fall back on. I'm pretty well forced to go with the above listed option #1, which is the better way to go about things anyway. I'll keep my sanity and keep the pizza away from my hips!


So, as bad as the day was, I kept my glass of water next to me for the entire day, and every time I was tempted to indulge the round girl in me, I took a sip (okay, I gulped) .. And my amazing husband helped with the rest. Also: how could I stay down when I have two adorable faces smiling at me, and I'm their mommy?


To sum up what my blabbing is about: I can't stress enough how important it is to have proper emotional support in your life. And no - the nice people at pizza pizza don't count.

Day One: three pounds lighter!!

It's no secret. I'm a round girl.


I could go through the details of how I got to be this way. I could lie and use the most cliched excuse in the book: I'm on meds that make me fat. I could say I get kidnapped and held against my will nightly until I eat my weight in KD w/ hot dogs. I could say that I just enter a LOT of food-eating contests ..


But alas, the answer to my weight is a lot less complicated. It goes like this: I like food. I eat food. Preferably of the cheesy variety. 


I'm now bigger than I've ever been in my life and in the position I've never wanted to be in: I'm the woman who got married, had kids, and am now in the process of letting myself go. And there is NO way I'm going to let that continue. I love my hubby, my kids and most importantly, I love myself and LIFE too much to let that happen! I will not become the fat housewife whose uniform is sweatsuits and ponytails and position in the house is head of the household couch!!


So my journey to my new healthy lifestyle began yesterday. I think every single one of my demons came out to play. I craved everything from diet coke and celery sticks to cream soda floats and the cheesiest pizza known to man (the kind that'll clog your bowels for a good few days)


My story is one of success. Though I was hungry all day, I masked it with lots of water - and the good thing about that was that I got lots of exercise while running to the potty to pee every ten minutes!


I gave in and ate caramel crispy minis. You know, the mini ones that come in individually wrapped portions? No big deal, you say? I ate the entire box. All six packets. Gone. 


It's a good thing, though. Now they won't be around to call my name from the cupboard whenever I have the munchies (which is about every four minutes). 


Anyhow .. all my demons were thoroughly exhausted after testing me the entire day, and even though I had a caramel-flavored setback, I didn't let it get me down. I started fresh from that moment on and kept going. And my result showed on the scale the next morning .. three pounds lighter!!


Take THAT, gooey, cheesy pizza with extra cheese. :P