Dear Junk Food: I love you but because you hate me, we are now fighting.

I learned an important lesson this week. 

I don't know if many of you know this .. Or if it's been kept a big secret ..

After eating healthy for a few weeks and having one really bad junk food day, I learned .. and get ready to gasp .. that eating only junk food / unhealthy food makes one feel HORRIBLE.

I know, right!?

My hubby and I had a day of badness where we indulged our inner fatties. And boy, did we ever regret it. 

I mean, don't get me wrong - the food tasted amazing on the way down .. But whoooo boy ..

The next day, we had ZERO energy. Our stomachs hated us. We were sluggish and grumpy. Even the windows of our apartment got on our nerves. If someone had come up to us and handed us a million bucks in cash, we 

A) Wouldn't have had the energy nor the care to run cartwheels around the house and

B) Would have been ticked off that it was ONLY a million bucks.

Compared to the days where we ate healthy and reasonably, where we had lots of energy and felt great? Lesson learned.

Hopefully I can keep this lesson in mind the next time the Munchies Monster comes to visit.

A bit of background ..

It has occurred to me that not many of you may know about my history as a dieter.


Trust me. I've been there. I've done that. I've got the t-shirt.


I was always chubby as a baby, overweight as a girl, and then it escalated into being a fat teenager. I'd struggle to get through one hour of gym class. My asthma was bad. I had to buy clothes from the men's section .. and then even the men's section came to be too small. 


I was depressed constantly about my weight and terribly self-conscious. I was teased about my size (one complete bitch girl even made a Christmas carol for me: We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Jenny Craig!) ... Yeah. Real feel-good, uplifting stuff.


I'd go home after school feeling bad about myself and, being an emotional eater, I'd indulge my negative feelings into whatever I could find in the fridge / cupboards / secret stash / anywhere. 

It never occurred to me to lose weight. To be honest, it was never even brought to my attention as an option. I thought that I was fat and that's just the way it was meant to be. Sure, I'd try to eat healthier. I'd have a salad for lunch, and it was healthy, right? Even though it was smothered in dressing and loaded with bacon and cheese. I didn't know any better. Besides, I had a group of wonderful friends who accepted me for who I was and what I looked like - that was all that mattered ... right? It didn't matter that I wasn't happy with myself.


When I was sixteen, I took a Home Economics class. Our term project was to present a subject to the class about health, food, or something housey (like sewing, or living on a budget). For the life of me, I can't remember what I presented, but a classmate's presentation stood out in my mind: her topic was her journey following Weight Watchers. 


This was a life-defining moment for me. This was my big sign with flashing lights and the light at the end of my tunnel.


I listened intently to her presentation and asked her MANY questions when she was done (privately, of course - I was too embarrassed to express to the class that I was aware I was fat!)

I enrolled that week. By myself. It was nerve-racking but it was what I needed to do. 


After a difficult first week, I lose seven pounds. I remember how much I shook throughout the WW meeting that night - I was SO excited. It only took a ten-pound loss for people to start coming up to me and telling me how great I looked. More motivation to keep going. My pants were already feeling loose. 


School was out for the summer and I kept going strong with my weight loss. That summer, I bought my first ever pair of jeans at the Gap. I bought clothes from stores for "little people"!! I didn't have to shell out $40 for a plus-sized shirt - I was able to get two shirts for ten bucks!!


I went back for my senior year and everyone couldn't believe how different I looked. Not only was I smaller - I was happier. I had confidence in myself and was able to walk with my head up, instead of with my eyes glued to the floor to avoid the laughter coming in my direction. By the time I'd graduated from high school and started college, I'd lost 97lbs. NINETY-SEVEN pounds. By myself. Sure, I had friends who supported me .. But weight loss really is a solo journey. It's a personal battle of the wills and only I could control if I was going to win or not.


After college, a lot of things happened in my life. Big things. I moved out with my boyfriend (who I'm now super happily married to!!). I got fired from a job for the first time in my life (long story there .. But basically I was fired for being too happy .. SO not joking there) My parents got separated and then divorced. Dad remarried and Mom moved far away. I had two wonderful babies.


I had SO many amazing "ups" in my life .. But many, many "downs". Being an emotional eater, I fell back on old habits and put back on the weight I'd lost ... and then some. I wasn't concerned, I knew I'd lost weight before and I could do it again whenever I wanted to.

Don't step on it ... It makes you cry!

It took having my firstborn turn into a super active toddler and having my second baby to realize just how big I'd become and how much energy I didn't have. And boy, did I ever need energy .. But hauling around all the weight was draining any energy I could have had to play with my kids. I couldn't go for a walk without my asthma inhaler. I started to get dizzy after a meal. All I could wear was maternity clothing. 


I needed to get better, not just for myself this time, and not just for my health: I had two small children who needed me to be healthy and fit. Two little babies who depended on me. 


So I'm back to it. I'm not yet comfortable about sharing my "before" weight .. (Maybe after I lose some more!) I wanted to go back to WW but it can be pricey, so I started following a free program that even has an app on my iphone so it's very easy to keep track of how I'm doing! 


I've got many demons to battle. I have a LOT of bad habits to break. I have to re-learn what I learned through WW. It's a slow process. From what I've learned in my experience, it's the "slow and steady" diet that'll win me my best results. Sure, I may have lost weight with crash diets before (this was after WW and before now!), but I didn't learn anything about long-term healthy eating. I'm learning that lesson now and plan to pass it on to my kids. This is it. The long-term lifestyle change. 


I have many tricks (heck, I'm sure I've even invented tricks that others even use!) but I'm not perfect. I have slips. The important thing to remember that we all make mistakes and that is how we learn .. Also important: they're not mistakes if you keep repeating them. 


Feel free to ask any questions if you have them .. And as promised, I will definitely have a post about the tricks I've picked up along the way about healthier eating and dietary shortcuts! 


Have a Happy Sunday!

Have your eyes ever been bigger than your stomach?

The answer for me is an unashamed yes. Heck yeah. Abso-friggin-lutely. I mean, come on, if there's a buffet bowl loaded with honey garlic chicken wings, am I really supposed to only take one or two? Pffffft.


Well that was me up until a few weeks ago, when I made the commitment to change the way I eat and how I look at food (well, I still ogle it and drool over it and it's up high on its pedestal and all that) ... But I think you know what I meant. I'm making the transition from food being a love interest, to food being, well, food.  


And in that I've learned to really watch my portion sizing and to limit how much goes on my plate (the first step for me here was recognizing that the plate is just a plate and not a buffet platter) . I've also learned to listen to my body's cues. I'll have a small portion of dinner, and then if I'm still feeling hungry, I'll grab a glass of water before going for seconds (because sometimes your brain can confuse thirst for hunger). I don't eat until I'm bursting out of my pants (anymore) .. I'll eat until I'm satisfied. See how responsible I'm becoming?! I'm growing up (and NOT outward!!) :)


There are many more tricks I've picked up along the way .. But that'll come in a later post, when it isn't late at night (stop laughing. ten pm IS late!!) and not suffering from the side effects of a non non-drowsy allergy pill and a turkey dinner! 


Until then .. Don't let your stomach rule your world. But most importantly, don't let your eyes rule your stomach! 

Round Girl 1; Thanksgiving 0

Thanksgiving really tried to get me.


It lured me with the mouth-watering scent of turkey roasting in the oven. It called to me from the stove where fluffy - yet moist - stuffing was in the making, and buttery mashed potatoes were brewing. It all but threw spice cupcakes with cream cheese icing and sweet pumpkin treats at me. And did I mention the bread?!


I have to admit, the Fat Girl within me was massively tempted to indulge. A little. And then I found myself four cupcakes and one tummy ache later regretting the choice I'd made to give in to the temptation!


But you know what? I brushed myself off and faced the next day with a fresh resolve to keep going with my lifestyle change. I'm human, and I have holiday eating habits that are going to take a LOT of time and practice to make reasonable. 


Out of the three Thanksgiving dinners I had the pleasure of participating in, I slipped up once. Thanksgiving really gave me a run for my money .. But with careful planning, I was able to get through it, and when I was begging and pleading with myself to give in, I reminded myself of all the hard work I've put in to fixing my eating habits. And I also reminded myself of how far I've come not to ruin my success with one weekend. I mean, I'm finally almost able to fit into my jeans again! JEANS!!


And so I avoided the gravy. Took reasonable portion sizes of mashed potatoes and stuffing. Loaded up on the veggies. Stayed the heck away from foods that I knew I couldn't control myself around. And threw back a LOT of water.


One slip up instead of three splurge days = a HUGE win for me. And I lost weight in the process. I'm now thirteen pounds down!!! 


So take THAT, Thanksgiving .. and you can tell your little friend Christmas that I'll take it down, too. 

Cookie Monster is ... Me?

Maybe he's "lifestyle changing" too?

Cookie Monster is someone I can easily identify with. He would eat cookies everyday, all day, if they were available to him. Though I wouldn't eat cookies .. It would be cheesy pasta. And cheesy pizza. And cheese. 

Everything in moderation, right? Well once Cookie Monster masters that, maybe I will too! ha

Don't look at me like that, Rabbit. I'd be skinny too if all I ate was carrots.

Autumn has arrived, and with it - APPLE PIES!!

Fall has arrived! The air is crisp, the leaves on the trees are all sorts of glorious reds, yellows and oranges, and the scents of fireplaces and pumpkin spices are everywhere you turn. The excitement of Halloween is in the air, and tingles of anticipation as Christmas approaches. I heart fall. It's my favorite season.


You know what else comes with autumn? For me, at least? The cravings for apple cider, apple pie, apple crisp .. Pumpkin spice muffins, spice cake, spiced coffees ...


You know. All the healthy stuff. (Well, I guess apples are great for you .. until you slice them up, toss them in loads of butter and brown sugar, shove them into dough and turn them into a pie ..)


I've got to admit, even though I've been doing really well so far in keeping with my diet, I've been coming across a few (okay, TONS OF) temptations. Autumn is a really challenging time of year for me. Come on, it's the warm-up to Christmas eating!!

I mean seriously - how AMAZING does this look?!

I'm trying the "everything in moderation" technique, which seems to be keeping me in check. I'm trying to battle the over-indulger in me, and it's been tough. One of my worst habits of yore has been to not just have one piece of pie .. or turnover .. or cookie .. I would need to finish the whole thing, or eat until I'm bursting out of my stretchy eating pants. (I know I'm not the only one with this problem .. right? ... anybody?!)

So far, so good. But I've got my boxing gloves ready for when the temptation monster comes to play .. And I know it will! (It's called Tim Hortons' pumpkin-spiced muffins commercials!!!)

Happy Fall everyone! Get out there and enjoy the crunchy leaves at least once!

Isn't it beautiful?!

I feel like I'm cheating on my husband because of how much I lust for this cheese.