It has occurred to me that not many of you may know about my history as a dieter.
Trust me. I've been there. I've done that. I've got the t-shirt.
I was always chubby as a baby, overweight as a girl, and then it escalated into being a fat teenager. I'd struggle to get through one hour of gym class. My asthma was bad. I had to buy clothes from the men's section .. and then even the men's section came to be too small.
I was depressed constantly about my weight and terribly self-conscious. I was teased about my size (one
I'd go home after school feeling bad about myself and, being an emotional eater, I'd indulge my negative feelings into whatever I could find in the fridge / cupboards / secret stash / anywhere.
It never occurred to me to lose weight. To be honest, it was never even brought to my attention as an option. I thought that I was fat and that's just the way it was meant to be. Sure, I'd try to eat healthier. I'd have a salad for lunch, and it was healthy, right? Even though it was smothered in dressing and loaded with bacon and cheese. I didn't know any better. Besides, I had a group of wonderful friends who accepted me for who I was and what I looked like - that was all that mattered ... right? It didn't matter that I wasn't happy with myself.
When I was sixteen, I took a Home Economics class. Our term project was to present a subject to the class about health, food, or something housey (like sewing, or living on a budget). For the life of me, I can't remember what I presented, but a classmate's presentation stood out in my mind: her topic was her journey following Weight Watchers.
This was a life-defining moment for me. This was my big sign with flashing lights and the light at the end of my tunnel.
I listened intently to her presentation and asked her MANY questions when she was done (privately, of course - I was too embarrassed to express to the class that I was aware I was fat!)
I enrolled that week. By myself. It was nerve-racking but it was what I needed to do.
After a difficult first week, I lose seven pounds. I remember how much I shook throughout the WW meeting that night - I was SO excited. It only took a ten-pound loss for people to start coming up to me and telling me how great I looked. More motivation to keep going. My pants were already feeling loose.
School was out for the summer and I kept going strong with my weight loss. That summer, I bought my first ever pair of jeans at the Gap. I bought clothes from stores for "little people"!! I didn't have to shell out $40 for a plus-sized shirt - I was able to get two shirts for ten bucks!!
I went back for my senior year and everyone couldn't believe how different I looked. Not only was I smaller - I was happier. I had confidence in myself and was able to walk with my head up, instead of with my eyes glued to the floor to avoid the laughter coming in my direction. By the time I'd graduated from high school and started college, I'd lost 97lbs. NINETY-SEVEN pounds. By myself. Sure, I had friends who supported me .. But weight loss really is a solo journey. It's a personal battle of the wills and only I could control if I was going to win or not.
After college, a lot of things happened in my life. Big things. I moved out with my boyfriend (who I'm now super happily married to!!). I got fired from a job for the first time in my life (long story there .. But basically I was fired for being too happy .. SO not joking there) My parents got separated and then divorced. Dad remarried and Mom moved far away. I had two wonderful babies.
I had SO many amazing "ups" in my life .. But many, many "downs". Being an emotional eater, I fell back on old habits and put back on the weight I'd lost ... and then some. I wasn't concerned, I knew I'd lost weight before and I could do it again whenever I wanted to.
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| Don't step on it ... It makes you cry! |
It took having my firstborn turn into a super active toddler and having my second baby to realize just how big I'd become and how much energy I didn't have. And boy, did I ever need energy .. But hauling around all the weight was draining any energy I could have had to play with my kids. I couldn't go for a walk without my asthma inhaler. I started to get dizzy after a meal. All I could wear was maternity clothing.
I needed to get better, not just for myself this time, and not just for my health: I had two small children who needed me to be healthy and fit. Two little babies who depended on me.
So I'm back to it. I'm not yet comfortable about sharing my "before" weight .. (Maybe after I lose some more!) I wanted to go back to WW but it can be pricey, so I started following a free program that even has an app on my iphone so it's very easy to keep track of how I'm doing!
I've got many demons to battle. I have a LOT of bad habits to break. I have to re-learn what I learned through WW. It's a slow process. From what I've learned in my experience, it's the "slow and steady" diet that'll win me my best results. Sure, I may have lost weight with crash diets before (this was after WW and before now!), but I didn't learn anything about long-term healthy eating. I'm learning that lesson now and plan to pass it on to my kids. This is it. The long-term lifestyle change.
I have many tricks (heck, I'm sure I've even invented tricks that others even use!) but I'm not perfect. I have slips. The important thing to remember that we all make mistakes and that is how we learn .. Also important: they're not mistakes if you keep repeating them.
Feel free to ask any questions if you have them .. And as promised, I will definitely have a post about the tricks I've picked up along the way about healthier eating and dietary shortcuts!
Have a Happy Sunday!
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